Dear Julie,
My daughter
was identified as being academically gifted two years ago. Since then I feel
like I have been on a roller coaster, trying to understand her needs at home
while advocating for her at her school. How do I know what path to follow in
making adjustments for her? How do I know what is reasonable to ask for in her
school?
Mixed-up Mom
Dear
Mixed-up,
Being
a parent of a gifted child can be both exhilarating and challenging! There are
many resources available for parents, but, of course each child is unique and
you may need to look for answers from a variety of sources. Two recent books
might be of help to you: Reforming Gifted Education by Karen Rogers and
Parenting Gifted Kids by James R. Delisle. Some informative websites
include:
www.nagc.org (National Association for Gifted Children website),
www.hoagiesgifted.org, and
www.iagcgifted.org (Illinois Association for Gifted Children website). You
also might enjoy attending the parent session at the Illinois Association for
Gifted Children Convention Sunday, December 9 (see IAGC website) to hear a
nationally known speaker and join in discussions with other parents of gifted
children.
In
a recent issue of Parenting for High Potential, a magazine that comes with
membership to NAGC, Del Siegle, the current president of NAGC, wrote a column
suggesting a “Bill of Rights for Gifted Children”. I’d like to share his list,
some of his thoughts and a few of my own.
Gifted
children have a right to
know about their giftedness.
1.
Parents and
teachers are often concerned that gifted children will act elitist or superior
if they are told of their abilities. Siegle points out that giftedness is not
“bestowed”. They have developed their own skills and are capable for further
developing these skills and acquiring new ones. Gifted children must learn that
working hard does not mean they have lost their gifted “magic”.
2.
Gifted
children have a right to learn something new everyday.
Research tells us that gifted children spend up to 80% of their time in class
doing the same work as the other students, resulting in a great loss of learning
opportunities. If these students are not challenged they never learn to push
themselves to higher levels of productivity.
3.
Gifted
children have a right to be passionate about their talent area without apologies.
Individuals who have a passion for an area or interest are more likely to be
successful in what they do. Gifted children with a strong interest in an area
should be encouraged and supported in pursuing their interests.
4.
Gifted
children have a right to have an identity beyond their talent area.
Gifted children are continuously developing their talents and their sense of
self. While parents may strongly support their talents, the children need to
understand they are valued as human beings. Their parents’ love should be
apparent to them even if they make mistakes or perform poorly in their talent
area.
5.
Gifted
children have a right to feel good about their academic and intellectual
accomplishments.
Gifted children should feel good about the effort and dedication they exert to
excel. Their pride in their accomplishments is appropriate as long as they do
not belittle the accomplishments of others.
6.
Gifted children have a right to make mistakes.
Taking risks and learning from mistakes is an important part of developing
talents. Parents can help their children understand this with personal examples
or biographies of those who succeeded after numerous failures.
7.
Gifted children have a right to seek guidance in the development of their
talent.
Most talent will not flourish without the assistance and nurturing of mentors
who share the passion and talent of their gifted mentees. Parents can help
their gifted children find the necessary resources to fully develop their
talents.
8.
Gifted
children have a right to have multiple peer groups and a variety of friends.
At times gifted children may have interests and passions that differ from their
age peers. Parents may need to help them find groups of friends of different
ages in different arenas.
9.
Gifted children have a right to choose which of their talent areas
they wish to pursue.
While it hardly seems problematic for a child to excel in many areas (multipotentiality),
it is often difficult for gifted children to narrow their choices when pursuing
a college education or a career.
The guidance of knowledgeable counselors
and supportive parents can help them focus on one area to devote the time and
effort needed to develop high levels of expertise.
10.
Gifted
children have a right not to be gifted at everything.
The development of gifted children is often referred to as asynchronous as their
physical skills and emotional maturity do not match their intellectual
maturity. While parents can encourage their children to try new experiences,
they must find a balance between helping them to be well-rounded and forcing
them to pursue activities in which they have no interest.
Adapted from “The Gifted Children’s Bill
of Rights”, Del Siegle, Parenting for High Potential,
September 2007
Good luck
in helping your child meet her social, emotional, and academic needs. Don’t
worry. The best thing you can give your gifted daughter is a loving environment
in which she knows she will find a good adult listener and someone who will
support her growing independence.
Julie
