Perfectionism and Underachievement

By Shalini Parekh

On a perfectly blustery winter night parents braved the cold to understand the challenges that face every parent at some time or the other when their children display traits or consequences of perfectionism. Sometimes faced with such behavior parents can feel inadequate, or isolated, however Michele Kane, Asst Prof, Northeastern Illinois University, presenter of gifted issues at several local and national forums, in her down to earth and compassionate manner put parents at ease, while providing them insights and coping strategies.

She had many wonderful ideas and lessons gleaned from raising her own children, being a gifted teacher and an educator. She drew parallels between:

 Giftedness and Perfectionism

·         Lofty goals are often abstract concepts that reflect conceptual thinking of gifted learners

·         Standards are set according to mental abilities not asynchronous nature of abilities

·         Gifted children often have older friends/adult mentors and set goals accordingly

·         Most gifted learners have been very successful and not challenged; become failure-avoidant (Dweck, 2000)

·         When the expectations are not challenging then gifted learners strive for perfect performance instead of mastery (artificial rewards such as grades become satisfying)

·         When challenges are appropriate, perfectionistic teachers and peers may exacerbate the situation 

It was interesting that although parents present were talking about both young and older children, it was apparent during the course of the evening that perfectionism could become a cause of stress and underachievement as high school and college challenges become a reality. Here are some ideas she delineated in her presentation as successful strategies for parents:

1.      Recognize that your gifted adolescent’s intellectual and emotional characteristics are intertwined and influence each other. Understand that the personality trait of perfectionism is influenced by factors in your child’s environment that impact whether or not the manifestations will be healthy or dysfunctional. Know that perfectionism can be a positive motivator or be a cause of stress for your adolescent. Sensitize yourself to your gifted adolescent’s pressures, at home and at school. Talk with your adolescent about what perfectionism means to you and him/her.

2.      Understand and appreciate perfectionism as a personality trait that you may have as well as your adolescent. By recognizing the positive and negative aspects of perfectionism, you can help your child or adolescent pursue excellence, by modeling appropriate responses. Point out positive, imperfect role models in the media to help them understand that no one can be perfect.

3.    Learn to set priorities in your life and help your adolescent to do likewise. Help your adolescent to realize that making mistakes is a learning experience. Model acceptance of your mistakes. Ask, “What did I/you learn from the experience?” Teach the concept of “constructive failure” whereby future improvement is dependent on present performance.

4.   Set high but realistic standards for yourself. Help your adolescent to have high standards for her/himself, but not to expect others to conform to them. Help your adolescent to understand that time, effort, and not giving up will help him/her reach his/her high standards.

5.   Help your adolescent understand that intense frustration and the pain of perfectionism can motivate him/her to become problem-solvers, hard workers, and emotionally healthy. Help him/her to understand that negative emotions are not only normal but need to be expressed in healthy ways.

 6.  Work with your gifted adolescent to improve self-evaluation skills. Emphasize process and improvement rather than perfect products to     encourage intrinsic locus of control. Praise efforts not just successes. Help him/her to understand that worth is not based on others’ evaluations of work, but that each student is responsible for his/her behaviors and the consequences.

 7.  Work with your gifted adolescent to improve self-evaluation skills. Emphasize process and improvement rather than perfect products to     encourage intrinsic locus of control. Praise efforts not just successes. Help him/her to understand that worth is not based on others’ evaluations of work, but that each student is responsible for his/her behaviors and the consequences.  Show your adolescent that he/she has inherent dignity and self-worth, which are unconditional. Avoid comparisons with siblings or peers. Teach compassion for those who are less able.

 8.  Recognize, support, and nurture your adolescent’s interests or passions that bring enjoyment to him or her. Provide time for creative activities and risk taking with safe opportunities to fail. Focus on the joy of discovery, use humor, and have fun with your adolescent.

 9.  Teach your adolescent that health is important. Don’t let study interfere with eating and sleeping. Encourage relaxation strategies such as creative visualization.

 10. Seek professional counseling if your adolescent is unable to act or becomes fearful of rejection.

Knowing that there are common themes in such challenges, at the end of the evening a lively discussion followed where strategies, ideas and concerns were shared by parents. If only for a short time that cold evening parents felt like they were sitting in a warm kitchen with another experienced and compassionate parent. BCGT would like to thank Michele for coming out to talk to parents in our district.

Illinois Association for Gifted Children Conference 2008

By Kim Corless

On December 9^th, 10^th, and 11^th, the IAGC held its 13^th annual IAGC convention in Schaumburg.  Given the gloomy state of the weather, I debated whether to brave the freezing rain and leave my 4 children in the care of my frantic husband.  I had also just attended the NAGC conference in November and was a little “conventioned” out, and I was struggling with slow pay-off of advocacy work.  But I am glad I made the trek!  We honestly have reason to be optimistic in regards to the state of gifted education.  And we have reason to care because these are the children that are capable of improving the state of our world, and these are the children who care deeply enough to be moved to action.

 I was impressed that actual legislators like Suzie Bassie were present at the conference.  Did you know we have made an impact?  $5 million dollars has been allocated for gifted funding in the state budget where there was nothing last year.   So please consider participating in “Please, Don’t Leave Our Children Behind Day!” in Springfield on April 17.  Hundreds of students and parents went last year and our presence was definitely noticed!  We all wore yellow T-shirts and met with our representatives and watched the House and the Senate in session.  For many this was a first time experience viewing government in action. 

 I listened to school districts like U-46 explain how they were better identifying Hispanic bilingual students for gifted programming.  Northwestern’s Center for Talent Development presented Project Excite which brought Hispanic and African- American students to weekend courses to expand their exposure to mathematics and science.  Our own Julie Luck-Jensen showed us her progress on her project at Sunny Hill School which targets gifted students in early elementary school.  These efforts involved looking at a broader picture of gifted and utilized new testing.

 For me the highlight was Dr. James Delisle from Kent State University discussing highly gifted teenagers and their adjustment concerns and intensities.  He discussed underachievement amongst the gifted and how to combat it.  Also interesting were the characteristics of multipotential students and how this multipotentiality can be an enormous burden to bear.  My favorite was the ‘8 Great Gripes of Gifted Kids’ which included feeling different and alienated, not having friends who really understand them, and worrying about world problems and feeling helpless to do anything about them.  The pressure of knowing you have amazing capability and worrying you may never live up to expectations can be great.  The stories Dr. Delisle shared about how deeply unhappy some of his young patients were because they felt no connection to other people or were troubled about the paths their lives were taking, highlighted the importance of servicing the social and emotional needs of the gifted before there is a crisis.

 The message I took away from the IAGC conference again was gifted education is a right, not a privilege.  We need to really look at who we are not serving and wonder if this is appropriate.  We need to identify the gifted children from all nationalities and races.  We need to better educate our teachers so they can better serve all their students. This comes down to funding.   

Springfield Field Study

By Kate Kelly

The Hough Street Fifth Grade Reading Resource class is in the final stages of their Problem Based Learning approach to reading with a slavery scenario.  In this cross-curricular approach to reading, the students have not only gained important reading skills such as pulling important information from an article or book , inferencing, and research, but a plethora of pertinent information regarding the Civil War and it leaders.  Problem solving, information sharing, analysis, synthesis, and consensus as a group is a major component of the PBL approach.

As a continuing learning opportunity, Mrs. Kelly hopes to be able to take the resource students from Hough and Sunny Hill to Springfield.  The Springfield trip, that both Mrs. Kelly and Mrs. April Wells have taken with students in previous years, will focus on two objectives:

1.  The students will be able to gather important information regarding Abraham Lincoln, the Civil War, and general Illinois history that will enable them to put their reading and abstract thinking into concrete, hands-on experiences. 

2.  The students will be able to learn how their legislators work for them as students and citizens at the state level. 

 The teachers are trying to coincide the Springfield Study with the “Please Don’t Leave Our Children Behind” Day April 17, 2008.  Gifted students, their teachers, and their parents from across Illinois are gathering at the state’s capital to meet with their legislators.